Hello world. I’m Beck.
Mom of three, mostly under three. I’m tired, stressed and my heart is so incredibly full. I feel all emotions- all of the time.
I am a Mom.
I am a step-mom(ish) to a nineteen-year-old bonus beautiful, intelligent young lady.
I’m a dog Mom, technically step-dog Mom…because come on… there is a difference?
I have a Mom… but we don’t talk anymore. And because of this, my heart is utterly broken. She’s alive, but in my mind unwell. I love her and I am certain she loves me, yet our lives have parted ways and honestly, I am not sure if the roads will merge again.
Being Mom, without the guidance of another Mom- most especially- my own, feels wrong. The expertise and experience of the one who did it right. She raised me, after all, and I’m not so bad.
It just seemed easier when she was a phone call away. A simple text message to let me know she was thinking of me. A “been there, done-it-before” viewpoint from the outside. The way she would know an “off day” from a mile away and come over to share a tea and soak up the snuggles of my baby. Her energy, silliness and over-joyed exuberance mixed with a nibble of chaos and disorder-was my home.
As my favorite childhood movie states, “There is no place like home,” and as I traveled the world in my twenties, where Mom was symbolized home. As I navigated the early waters of pregnancy, hyperemesis, breastfeeding my go-to for all the worries, nerves, what-ifs was Mom.
The exhaustion of the first days/weeks/months of motherhood I must of called her hourly. She came over at the drop of hat, when I uttered… “I can’t do this, will you please come over.”
The nights of a highly-anxious baby and Momma, can put a strain on any relationship… “Mom, I need you.” Fifteen minutes later… the sound of my front door opening resulted in a large sigh of relief.
Fast-forward a few years.. and I am proud to say, I am no longer a new Mom. I have the experience and the expertise of many sleepless nights. I have consulted other Mom’s as they navigate those beautiful unknown waters of their early days.
I no longer hear my front door shut, and breathe of sigh of relief. As my Mom no longer enters my front door. I miss her. Terribly. My children miss her, two of them- the youngest- hardly or truly don’t even know her.
They will never know her wild, red hair. They will never know a Christmas spent with her chasing them around on all fours, making them laugh beyond reason.
They will never know the Abundant love and open-door policy that she had for all souls, all walks of life, at any time- most especially her family- most especially.. me. Her daughter.
I miss you Mom. And I love you.
Thanks for teaching me to be the Mom I am today. Thank you for being there in those early moments of my motherhood journey, as only you could.
And looking forward to today.. thank you to all women who have graciously stepped into the role of ‘Mom’ for me, in my moments of need. I am beyond blessed to say, that these women have welcomed me into their arms, as though my children and myself… are their own. Not the pretty side of family, but the downright ugly. The sleepy, the stressed, the perpetually pajama-wearing, hair-undone, no-food-in-my-fridge kind of love.
All met with grace, compassion, kindness and abundant love.
I am blessed.
Thank you to all the Moms out there, whom I have been grateful to call my own. My Mom. My second Moms. New Moms. Experienced Moms. Step-Moms. Dog-Moms. Grammys. Mother-in-laws. Dance Moms. Nanny-Moms. Mentor-Moms. BestFriend Moms. Auntie-Moms. Neighborhood Moms. And all of the other types of Moms.
This ones for you. <3
-Second Mom Club