it seems like forever ago that YOU were the one I reached out to for everything.
never in my wildest dreams did I imagine a day where we would not be there for each other in any or truly every capacity.
but life happened, as it so frequently does.
I started my family earlier then you and became obsessed and burdened by the weight of my own anxiety as it related to my first borns sleep schedule, eating habits, nursing and difficulty self-soothing.
indeed I lost myself. I also lost my friends. somehow I also lost touch with you.
as I was marching into motherhood straight on, you were falling in love.
you were courting. you were dancing. you were loving. you were happy.
I watched your joy and I did my best to support you, but I know we both felt the shift.
subtle at first.. and then not so subtle.
there were grand moments of your life I watched from afar, when all I wanted to do was be present and celebrating you and your love and your life.
there are things I wish I could do differently. but as you will soon find out, this phase is hard.
it is all encompassingly hard and beautiful.
it is messy.
and everything in between.
and as you embark, though not to diminish all you have learned and experienced in your life-
there will be times you will long for support of someone who gets it.
someone else knee-deep in the trenches of sleepless nights.
someone else who longs for five (or maybe even one) minute alone to collect your thoughts.. or brush your teeth.
someone who will walk into your house and be un-phased by the the food strewn across the kitchen counter, the maze of toys and clothes from porch to tub, and the sound of crying babies everywhere.
you may miss the days of simpler times, where it was just you and i.
I know I do.
I think of you often and I know you will be the most loving mother in the world.
I will watch your beautiful babe be born through pictures on my phone and I will send you love.
I will watch the first family photos
the major milestones
and the most treasured mom-baby selfies from the middle of the night as the rest of the world sleeps.
Motherhood has changed me.
Motherhood has changed us.
Motherhood will change you.
I wish we were doing this side-by-side as we did so many things before.
I hope you will see that my distance was not in loving you less, but in learning to love my new life.
My life of nursing and snuggles. Of pajamas and bottles.
My life of tubbies and dirt. Of temper-tantrums and giggles.
My life of abundant love and joy. Of fatigue and stress.
My life of just figuring it all out, like I was learning to walk for the first time.
I love you Momma-to-be. Always have. Always will.
And when your learning to walk too, if you need a hand, I have two.
And on those long, late nights… I’ve got you, just like I used to.
second mom club