How are you!?

“Hey girl? How are you today?!” “I’m GOOD, thanks!!! More importantly, how are you!?”

This question gets me every time.

How am I? Do you really want to know? If you ask my how I am… and you really want to know.

I am a FUCKING mess. Sorry for you gentle bunnies with sensitive ears.

Honestly, I feel like every day, every moment, every year just keeps getting harder.

Do you remember being a kid and seriously counting every second until you were grown? until you could make your own decisions, choose what to buy and when, eat what you want, date who you want. Be the one- who knows it all and makes all the right choices.

I’ll do it better. I’ll do it right.

Boy mom and dad… you must have sure made it all look so easy.

In this phase of life, I feel like I am jumping from one crisis to another every day.

anyone else? or is just me… it is literally always something. always.

My best friends dad is in the hospital awaiting a possible diagnosis of cancer. She is a mom of two littles. she works so freaking hard every day. she supports everyone and gets little support herself. girl you are doing amazing and I got you.

My husband is working all the time. he is trying his best to build a life for his family financially. building it from the bottom up.. again. he works 24-7. literally. ps… in case I forgot to tell you today- in passing- Thank you and I love you.

My sister is going through a divorce.. raising two small babies… and trying to shape her young adult into a good man. you make it look easy.

my dad is also newly divorced. he is doing his best to move on and be a better man for a new relationship. starting over isn’t easy. keep going. open up to love… she is worth it.

my mom… honestly, idk. I hope your okay and I love you.

at work.. the mom I worked with today. cried. she is trying so hard to raise her baby. he isn’t talking yet. he hardly ever sleeps or eats. her husband doesn’t understand why she makes the choices she does. YOU… are doing fabulous Mom. Take it one day at a time. Your baby is beautiful and I will help you understand strategies to help him manage his big emotions.

my girlfriend from high school. wondering if your husband- the love of your life- is cheating on you. I can’t even imagine. and it happens all to often. you are enough. you are deserving of love. you are amazing. you will find love again, if you so choose. and I will help you as you figure out how and what moving on looks like.

my aunt is afraid of leaving her house because of the pandemic. she wants to, but she is afraid. living has become a challenge because of her rising anxieties. Take a breath aunty. Start small. Know you are loved and appreciated for showing up. For trying. for taking baby steps.

my dog is getting older. god he drives me crazy, but he loves our kiddos so much and I can’t imagine our home without his obnoxious bark, or cleaning up after his never ending accidents. Cam- thanks for being there every day pup. I’ll try and pet you a little longer after the kids go to sleep tonight.

CharlieBoy… I know you didn’t mean to scream for 35 minutes yesterday, because your paper fell on the ground. It will get easier. I love you. And I will hold you until the upset passes.

LC Girl. I am sorry you are a middle child. I feel so much guilt, because you don’t get the attention you deserve. I try. I try so hard. You are so forgiving. So accommodating. so full of life. Please don’t let that shine dull, because I put your needs to the side today to take care of the baby instead of you. I am so sorry.

Tomi my love. I gave you ice cream today. Shit… your not even one yet!! your missing out on the organic food, the 1:1 attention, the doting affection, and the milestone practice. Honestly… I can’t believe you’re almost a year. I am so sorry I have been sleep walking through this year. You are a beautiful, cheerful, sweet and loved baby. You have completed us and balanced us. We wouldn’t be a family without you.

to the woman waiting in line, for a seat at the restaurant, on a girls night. Venting about the disparity in the load of the responsibilities of running your home. I see you. I get you. I can relate, sometimes. it is hard and there is So much. and I hope you are able to communicate and find a compromise with your partner to help you carry the load.

to the pharmacist at CVS… the intercom wasn’t working… and I was having a moment. and so were you. I am sorry for being a bitch. it was a moment. clearly not my finest. forgive me for loosing my shit in the completely wrong place. I appreciate what you do to ensure I can get the medications that I need.

to my therapist. all you do is listen. listen and listen some more. I KNOW, it isn’t easy to take all of my baggage, when I know you have your own. You choose to help me and everyone else and put your own needs aside. Please take care of yourself. I need you. So does everyone else. Sorry if I put too much on you today.

…………………………..

to my body. you look like shit. you aren’t beautiful anymore.

to my brain… BE MORE ORGANIZED. stop forgetting everything. stop jumping around when you are talking. get the kids to school on time today- please for the love of god.

try to make yourself available to your partner tonight. who cares about your stretch marks and the extra 100lbs you gained?

oh and beck- check the bank account. don’t forget the fridge is empty… groceries????

…

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So… to recap, how am I doing, you ask?

I am so good. Aren’t you?

isn’t that the responsibility of a mom. to take on all of the roles, all of the duties, and of the emotions and do it swimmingly, with effort- in high heels?

If you ask the question- be prepared for the answer you might get.

accept it, support it, and give a little grace.

and if you think I am looking for pity, I’m not.

maybe…just maybe, I want your time, your ear, a moment of connection.

to stop the formality. the expectations. the fakeness. the insincerity.

Life is messy. This is my life. And I don’t have time for inauthenticity.

Truthfully, what mom does?

So when you ask how I am next time. Mean it, or don’t bother asking.

-second mom club